leaning full tilt

I drove to work yesterday feeling restless and full of feelings. But I had slated the day for a very specific creative task and needed to find a place that I could sit and concentrate without distractions. I found a bench looking out at the chop of the sea where buoys bobbed in the harbor. I sat down with my notebook to work through the task.

But it was too windy.

I looked up from my thoughts and looked out at seagulls combing the sand for snails to shuck. Watching the seagulls try to walk into the wind made me laugh. Their bodies pushed to a 45 degree tilt by the gusts as they took one step forward and were blown two steps back. They wrestled against the gales until they gave up their attempts at walking and spread out their wings to harness the stuff that was holding them back.

It made me laugh at myself, trying to be pensive while the wind ripped through the pages of my notebook and jumbled my thoughts. I was leaning full tilt into an attempt to force myself to create. I forgot that surrender and levity are the wings that harness creativity.

I got up and set my face to the wind. I took in a lungful and stopped resisting the restlessness. I smiled at its disregard for my plans and let the wind have its way.